Against this backdrop, I found myself returning to Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges, which I read earlier this year for one of my Book Clubs. One of the key concepts is distinguishing between a change and a transition. Change is a specific event or altered circumstance. Transition is the internal process of adapting to it. Leaving for college is a change. Learning how to navigate the world on your own as an independent adult is the transition.

I’m recognizing many transitions in my life in response to changes - learning how to parent adult children after a child leaves for college, learning how to prioritize my own needs after a job change provided time in my schedule, adapting to personal age-related changes, reconsidering my role with the exchange students entering and leaving our home…the list goes on and on. Seeing these as transitions rather than isolated changes gives me a different way to understand the uncertainty that comes with them.

The crux of the transition concept is that it always begins with an ending, which is a challenge to our sense of self. The ending is followed by a fallow period before the new beginning can start. The disorientation and uncertainty can be present even when the change is welcome or hoped for and are not necessarily indicators that things have gone wrong or that the change was a mistake. The fallow period creates a view of the world with a new perspective. This internal reorientation can then be taken into the new beginning.

Watching all of the teens circulating through our home over the past months reminded me how comfortable most of us were with the idea of discomfort during the standard young adult transitional years. We accept that those years are challenging and full of growth. Yet we often assume that, at some point, we no longer experience discomfort and uncertainty when life changes. I’m recognizing that I must make room for the discomfort and not immediately treat it as evidence that something has gone wrong. I am working to embrace the idea that discomfort is often part of ongoing personal growth. When life changes have you feeling unsettled, perhaps the question should no longer be “Why haven’t I adjusted yet?” but rather “What transition am I in?”