Unmet expectations produce stress. Waiting sixty minutes for a meal expected in twenty minutes creates tension. A morning toddler meltdown before an early board meeting triggers a physiological response. Failing to meet the standards of a harsh internal critic generates exhaustion.

However, planning an hour for a leisurely meal is a joy. Anticipating that my toddler will struggle on an early day helps me remember to get a few extra things ready the night before and keep my temper even when the tantrum starts. Maintaining a supportive inner dialogue provides the cognitive margin required for accurate problem solving.

I spent this month analyzing how unrealistic expectations fuel burnout. Cultural narratives promote ease - “If you find your passion, you’ll never work a day in your life”. Marketing feeds sell quick fixes for every problem - a pill for this, 10 minutes a day for that, do these 3 things for a perfect (fill-in-the blank). I see this often in my life and in my work with clients: we view hardship and discomfort as evidence that we are on the wrong course.

But - Building a business is difficult. Doing good work requires intense effort. Raising children involves constant uncertainty. Relationships demand labor. Difficulties during a process are often proof of the correct course.

I started my coaching business with zero entrepreneurial experience. My coaching training program suggested the process was simple with the tools they provided. I accepted this falsehood and the resulting stress was significant. I felt like I was failing every time I encountered a challenge. I realized my expectation was the problem. I transitioned to a realistic expectation that building a successful business requires hard work, involves high levels of uncertainty and takes years. The change in perspective transformed hurdles into expected milestones. The difficulties remained, but my response changed and my stress levels dropped.

Being reasonable regarding expectations has also allowed me to categorize challenges. I am able to distinguish items within my control versus systemic burdens outside of my control. I have stopped wasting effort on systemic friction. Effort spent on uncontrollable factors often feels productive but leaves me feeling empty and is an inefficient use of my limited resources.

The March deep dive article examines how systemic unrealistic expectations during EHR implementation fueled physician burnout in a generation of physicians. It provides a blueprint for identifying when the system is the problem.

Link: How the EHR Rollout Fueled Physician Burnout: A Silent Assault on Engagement